Well this is a new journey for me. Some people say "I've lost a child"....me? I don't know how u 'lose' a child, I only know that my son is dead. I have decided to blog here so that others can hopefully understand me, not pity, but understand. I loved my son. I will always love my son. I attempted to join a yahoo group but I soon found I was NOT ready to deal with others like that. We had a common bond, our children had taken their own lives, but I did and don't wanna be 'defined' like that. I only want to feel "FREE" to say what I want to, to vent, to speak freely, to love, to share my son. He was a great man, and oh how I miss him. I don't wanna stay 'stuck' in the sorrow of grief, yet I cannot move beyond it. I cant push the process either. I'm impatient that way. I am human, I do not want to hurt because it hurts to hurt. Their are many good places on the web for parents of suicides. I just don't want to be there right now. But if I had to recommend one, it would be "Compassionate Friends.com" so far, they have been the best, by far. So being that I am new to this, I dont know if I will stick with it, or if I will get sadder and quit. Since this is the beginning welcome here. Soon, I will tell of Dan all of Dan. As much as I can, and of 'me' and MY feelings, the like of which I pray NO parent has to experience. There is not much help out here for 'us.' I found that out the hard way. I looked into bereavement groups, again, not a good thing, for ME, others have found them most helpful. I am angry, sad, moody, mean, and at times, RARE times I can crack a smile, and once, in a very great while, I even might laugh. It has only been a few months so cut me some slack. I MUST learn how to be good to me. HOW? I dunno. Another rough feeling is GUILT....not unusual, I'm sure. So this is it for now, cuz I am beginning to feel real uncomfy. TTYL...
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I have decided to blog here so that others can hopefully understand me, not pity, but understand. I loved my son. I will always love my son. I attempted to join a yahoo group but I soon found I was NOT ready to deal with others like that. We had a common bond, our children had taken their own lives, but I did and don't wanna be 'defined' like that. I only want to feel "FREE" to say what I want to, to vent, to speak freely, to love, to share my son. He was a great man, and oh how I miss him. I don't wanna stay 'stuck' in the sorrow of grief, yet I cannot move beyond it. I cant push the process either. I'm impatient that way. I am human, I do not want to hurt because it hurts to hurt. 
Their are many good places on the web for parents of suicides. I just don't want to be there right now. But if I had to recommend one, it would be "Compassionate Friends.com" so far, they have been the best, by far. So being that I am new to this, I dont know if I will stick with it, or if I will get sadder and quit. Since this is the beginning welcome here. Soon, I will tell of Dan all of Dan. As much as I can, and of 'me' and MY feelings, the like of which I pray NO parent has to experience. There is not much help out here for 'us.' I found that out the hard way. I looked into bereavement groups, again, not a good thing, for ME, others have found them most helpful. I am angry, sad, moody, mean, and at times, RARE times I can crack a smile, and once, in a very great while, I even might laugh. It has only been a few months so cut me some slack. I MUST learn how to be good to me. HOW? I dunno. Another rough feeling is GUILT....not unusual, I'm sure. So this is it for now, cuz I am beginning to feel real uncomfy. TTYL... 
